Christian Creative Writers

HomeHome  PortalPortal  PublicationsPublications  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  Log in  SpotlightSpotlight  JesusJesus  
Share | 

 From a Princess to a Pauper

View previous topic View next topic Go down 

Posts : 2
Join date : 2016-01-07

PostSubject: From a Princess to a Pauper   Tue Jan 31, 2017 8:00 am

Hello. I started this story last fall and then got discouraged because I started looking onto what it takes to have something published. I quite because I did not want to put hours and hours into something that I would never be able to do anything with but I have decided to work more on it again. I have attached a short snapshot of the story and the first couple pages. I want to see if anyone else considers it worth continuing. I am looking for encouragement however I want honestly as well. I am currently at around 11,000 words. I do know it still needs editingThanks, MaryT

Princess Ebonee marries the next Pharaoh. She learns details of the Exodus 35 year earlier. Over time she begins to question the power of the Egyptian gods. Pharaoh Seti is assassinated. Egypt is under siege by tailors and Prince Ramessu is thought to be dead. Princess Ebonee fleas for her life. Ebonee pleads with the God of the Hebrews to spare her life. Ebonee is later captured by a traveling band and in the travels meets the Hebrews in the Wilderness. They teach her more of the Hebrew God and she witnesses some of the biblical miracles in the Wilderness. Just prior to the Battle of Jericho she learns that Ramessu is still alive and she is a now torn between her old life and her new one.
~ Chapter One ~
          Closing her eyes, Ebonee enjoyed the warm breeze on her face as she gazed across the great land of Egypt from the balcony of her new home. Her home. Her land. Ebonee would soon wed Prince Ramessu who would become the next Pharaoh and she would assume the role of The Great Royal Wife. Ramessu's father Seti had everything in place for the ceremony from the extravagant food, jewels, music and dances to the traditional Egyptian ceremony. At the thought of her bridal jewels Ebonee absently touched the gold headpiece given to her by Ramessu as an engagement gift. Ebonee's parents, Princess Anka and Prince Zadkahiah, would have been so please to see where her choices had been taking her. A sad shadow clouded Ebonee's joy and anguish seemed to blow over her like a cold sharp wind. Oh, how she missed them. Influenza had swept through Egypt three years before and with it went her beloved parents as well as many friends and neighbors. Prince Zadkahiah was twelfth or thirteenth in line for the throne only though a step-family situation, which was common among Egyptian royalty. Ebonee however would become the next in line for the title “Great Royal Wife” in only forty-eight hours.
          “The Party”, Ebonee shrieked aloud as she pulled her thoughts back to the moment. The Wedding party would commence this evening and she needed to begin preparing herself. Her gold headpiece tinkled and sparkled in the sunlight as she ran to her quarters. She must not keep the ladies waiting. She could hear her bare feet on the sandstone and just as she entered the palace entryway her flowing linen robe tangled around her ankles. Ebonee tumbled to the floor with a gasp.
          “Well, I see you are already falling at my feet, My Love.” Ebonee's felt her face burn as red as the Sesbania, the blossoms of the hummingbird trees that surrounded the Palace entrance. Ramessu knelt down to look her in the eye. “I hope you are not hurt. It would not do to have broken bones or bruises on our wedding day”.
          “I am fine. Just a bit humiliated. Sometimes I wonder if I have the grace to be Queen when I can't even keep my feet under me!” Laughing she stood up and brushed the traces of sand from her delicate hands.
          As Ebonee stood and looked at the prince he laughed aloud, “Well, I would recommend at least straitening your crown, Princess”. His sun-tanned face lit up with love as he looked at her.
          Ebonee lifted her right hand to touch the gold headpiece, tilted sideways and tangled in her black hair. She couldn't help but let out a little giggle. Her feet quickly shuffled to a nearby polished stone pillar. In it she could see a little of how she looked. Her face turned three shades of red and secretly she was glad the only person present for her fiasco was her Pince, Ramessu. She knew he loved her unconditionally and never thought less of her. Ebonee never felt intimated by him and never once did he give her cause to feel less than worthy of the crown. Ebonee was the type of young lady to rush to and fro at the last minute or be thinking of one thing while doing another. There was the time she had been physically siting at a royal ceremony however her mind had been in the stables with the new mare the Prince had just given to her. She clumsily spilled a goblet of wine and while trying to recover the cup had inadvertently tipped over a bowl of fruit. Grapes had rolled across the table right into the lap of the foreign representative who happened to be the honored guest at the party. Now that was embarrassing and what was worse was that Ebonee could feel the disapproval as all of the royal blood around her boiled. All those accept for Ramessu. He, on the other hand, spent the time forcing the grin from his face while attempting to maintain the appearance of the Pharaoh-to-be that he was. Later, after the dinner, he had told her she was good for the Royal court. “They are all too stuffy anyway”, He had said, “Someone needs to lighten things up around here.
          Pulling her thoughts back to the present, Ebonee turned to Ramessu, “I need to go get ready for the party” Turning to leave she looked back over her shoulder. While he presented a tall imposing specimen, inside he was as gentle as a dove, “I love you Ramessu” and with that she disappeared up the stone steps that lead to her room. 
          Ebonee entered the banquet escorted by her Uncle Metjin, her father's oldest brother. After the death of her parent's, Ebonee's Uncle and Aunt took charge of her. It was he who arranged the details of the engagement to Prince Ramessu. Uncle Metjin had always been protective of Ebonee and believed that Ramessu would treasure her dearly. He did not want Ebonee being wed to a man unless he valued her above all he had. Ebonee not only loved Ramessu but trusted Uncle Metjin's wisdom in this area.
          Ebonee carefully smoothed her white tunic and took a moment to arrange the gold beads on her headpiece that ran the length of her smooth black hair. She had always kept her hair longer than the traditional just above-the-shoulder length that most Egyptian women preferred. She enjoyed being able to feel the softness of it brush her elbows and as a bonus, Ramessu liked it, too.
          It was time now to enter the banquet on her Uncles arm. Not only as the bride to be but also, and maybe more importantly in the eyes of the guests, as the future Great Royal Wife.
          “Let's get going” Uncle Metjin urged, perhaps sensing her nerves, “It is time to meet your public and greet your soon to be husband”.
          “Yes, Uncle” Ebonee suddenly felt her knees grow weak, “Come on silly pull yourself together”, she silently demanded of herself. 
          The great doors swung open and they stepped in. The banquet hall was lavishly decorated with Ethiopian silks and floral arrangements of every color. The tables were arranged with the most expensive delicacies. Cheese, figs, duck, fish, bread, cakes and more all perfectly displayed in bowls and platter of silver and gold and in the center of each table was a large golden bowl filled with water and floating Lotus flowers. Her thoughts were interrupted by a horn sounding in the front of the hall. A hush fell over the crowd and all eyes turned to Pharaoh. He rose from a seat which looked more like a throne at the end of the largest table.
          “I would like to thank everyone for attending this banquet in honor of my son Prince Ramessu and his bride-to-be Princess Ebonee”. He motioned the Prince and Princess to the table where he stood and directed one to sit on each side of him. “Tomorrow night, Ramessu, she may sit beside you but tonight you must admire her from a distance”. A chuckle swept through the hall causing Ebonee's face to burn. Ramessu looked across the large table with an apologetic smile. His father had a way of embarrassing her although never intentionally. “Tonight though, we celebrate” Pharaoh announced as he sat back at the table and lifted the goblet of wine that sat closest to his reach. The large room once again buzzed with conversation, laughter and music. The dinner commenced with the first course. This could take a while she thought as Egyptian meals at events such as this often had several courses with dancing and music in between them. As the evening went on Ebonee managed to keep from spilling anything or tripping on her skirts. She was however quite sure she had offended a guest or two by failing to recognize them. She tried hard to catch what everyone was saying to her but amidst the din of conversion it was not easy. Ebonee did not think she would ever get used to these parties. Although she was technically already a Princess and was always invited to the parties with her Aunt and Uncle she often declined finding herself more interested in talking a walk or a ride or just staying inside and reading. The start of the parties was nice but as they drew on and the effects of wine became more prevalent among the party-goers Ebonee always found herself rather uncomfortable. And then there were the ceremonies to the gods which were part of every Egyptain celebration just as they had been for generations upon generations. She had been raised to respect and pray to the multiple gods of Egypt and she did so in a dutiful way but often wondered at the value in it. Tonight the goddess of love and fertility, Hathor, would be celebrated. She was also the goddess of beauty, dancing and music. Hathor had the body of a woman and a cow head with horns. She wore a large beaded necklace with an ankh which was the symbol of life. After the mulit-course dinner Ebonee knew they would all go to the temple of Hathor to dance and sing. She did pray that Hathor would bless her with love and beauty for Ramessu but deep inside she wondered if the statues ever really heard her prayers.

          After many hours the party and dancing to Hathor was beginning to wind down. The guests were slowly trickling back to their homes, some needing assistance due to the abundance of food and wine they had consumed. Ebonee felt bone tired and wondered how she would be ready for another celebration tomorrow. Tomorrow. She looked over a Ramessu who was saying good night to their guests and a smile curved her painted red lips. Tomorrow she would become his wife and they could start their journey together. Tonight she would stay in the palace as a guest as she had been for the past several days leading up to the wedding however tomorrow she would move in permanently and her life would never be the same. Tomorrow.
Back to top Go down

Posts : 5907
Age : 47
Join date : 2011-07-26
Location : Southern CA

PostSubject: Re: From a Princess to a Pauper   Tue Jan 31, 2017 1:58 pm

Definitely worth finishing!!!! thumbs up

God Bless, Lora  Nice Ta Meet Ya
Back to top Go down

Posts : 2
Join date : 2016-01-07

PostSubject: Re: From a Princess to a Pauper   Fri Feb 03, 2017 6:43 am

Thanks. I still have the question of what I am going to do with it after but I guess I need to finish it first. :-) I have more than this done but did not want to post too much at once.
Back to top Go down
From a Princess to a Pauper
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Share this topic...
Link this topic
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Christian Creative Writers :: CHRISTIAN WRITERS' FORUM :: Fiction Novels & Short Stories-