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 The Hillbilly Mobile

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Moni
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PostSubject: The Hillbilly Mobile   Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:22 pm

The Hillbilly Mobile

“You want me to climb up there!”
My eyes were glued to the padded bench seat that had been bolted to the top of the bed of a rusty old truck. I was to climb the step stool into the bed of the truck and buckle up.
“Are there seat belts on that thing?”
“Yup, all aboard”
The air was not as thick up near the Canadian Rockies today from the nearby fires, but the rusty old truck managed to fill the area with a cloud of exhaust. My face covered with the coat I brought along,helped me filter out the gas fumes, until the rusty old Hillbilly Mobile made it’s way down the gravel road, with good ol’ huntin’ dog at our feet we made our way to the highway. Now on the wide open road, our pace quickened which made me thankful that I brought a coat and sunglasses along, of course I almost lost them in the wind.

The looks of shock and disbelief encouraged me to wave a neighborly wave to all who ventured past. I felt as if I should be wearing a straw hat, overalls and black out a few teeth just to give the viewers the full meal deal. As our driver slowed the sputtering vehicle to take the turn off, I thought our tour was over and we were going to head back to camp. However, the adventure had just begun.

Our accent on the gravel washboard of a road, winding up the side of the mountains brought some fearful moments. Looking down the ravine was out of the question and looking up just reminded me of how far it was to the top! If I closed my eyes I knew from experience that those on either side of me would not be happy with my motion sickness. Needless to say, I called upon God. “I am so thankful that I am Yours and You are mine, and if I don’t make it through this ride, please take me home quickly, and if You are open to suggestions...painlessly too.”

“Breath in, breathe out,” I kept reminding myself. I know I was strapped in with a seat belt, but alot of good that was going to do me if the old rusty truck goes rolling down the steep ravine.

"No! Don’t look down," kept running through my brain. "Why is the driver smiling? Why is he looking back through the window, and why isn’t he looking at the road?"

“Alrighty, we've done made it to the top.”

I let out a deep sigh of relief.
Then I heard, “hang on to yer hats while I turn this thing around.”

“Turn around? Here? There is no room to turn around!”

Holding my breath again, the Hillbilly Mobile slowly backed to the edge of the ravine side of the road behind me. At least I didn’t have to look at the depth of my possible grave.
Finally the vehicle came to a stop, the gas fumes cleared, and all that was left was silence.

The four of us, and ol’ huntin’ dog, remained still in the incredible silence atop the huge mountain, staring at the majestic Canadian Mountain Range.

Waves of thankfulness flowed through me, the haze of area fires still filled the air and blurred the view, and chocked the air, but nothing could diminish the sense of awe that overwhelmed me. Range after range of jagged earth jutted high into the great expanse. It just thrilled me to think about what God had created with dirt and breath, just by speaking it into being.

Speaking of breath, I lost it a few more times coming down the windy mountain road, but we did indeed make it back home, safe and sound, after our adventures atop the Hillbilly Mobile.




Last edited by Moni on Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:25 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : commas, commas, commas :))
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Lora
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PostSubject: Re: The Hillbilly Mobile   Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:30 pm

Those are some pesky little things, commas. A very nice exercise in description, detail, and imagery. You brought me right up the hill along side you on the edge of my seat with gas fumes and all. Naturally I kept wondering why you were risking your life and why you were there to begin with. But, obviously it seemed it was just a little practice in brushing up your skill. You definitely have some writing chops. Keep up the great work. I look forward to reading a more fully developed story.

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Moni
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PostSubject: Re: The Hillbilly Mobile   Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:11 pm

Thanks Lora, I need grammar nazi's in my life drilling

Yes, there is more to the story, just thought I would put some on paper this morning and get some advice.

Quote :
Naturally I kept wondering why you were risking your life and why you were there to begin with.

I kept wondering this myself!!! cooling off
I shall have to reveal that in the rest of the story.

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Lora
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PostSubject: Re: The Hillbilly Mobile   Fri Sep 21, 2012 12:50 am

LOL I bet you were. I look forward to reading the rest of it. You did well with your own character using all of that dialog and you did especially especially well with the descriptions of the environment. I would have liked to see the driver's character, and even the dog's character, rounded out a little more.

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