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 Reckless Youth

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cdawson41
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PostSubject: Reckless Youth   Sun Jun 10, 2012 3:36 am

Reckless Youth
Cynthia Dawson

When you he was young and lived his life with reckless abandon, only thinking of himself, where he needed to go and what he wanted to do, he never considered those around him. On September 17, 2009 he got in his car and headed out, driving faster than he should have. When his cell phone rang he answered it, never thinking twice of the risks he was taking. Never once thinking about me or anyone else he would encounter during his drive.

I left for work that morning headed south. I tuned the radio to my favorite Christian station. Singing and praising God I knew it was going to be a great day.

Before I realized what my eyes were seeing I had to react. A car, wait…jerking the steering wheel to the right I screamed out loud…GOD HELP ME! The first impact was to the front quarter panel of my car. It felt like I had run into a brick wall. The car was spinning out of control when the second impact hit the driver’s side of the car. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster, my body lurched back and forth in the car for what seemed a very long time.

Darkness…silence…there is nothing now. What is going on? Slowly my eyes focused as realization dripped in like the slow flow of syrup. The car isn’t running…when did I shut the car off?

Again, the veil of fogginess started to raise a bit more. Someone has hit my car. I need help, cars are driving by but no one is stopping! Why aren’t they stopping to see if I’m hurt?

Before I knew it the ambulance had arrived. The driver was at my door asking me questions. My daughter-in-law is here, why is she here? Once I was in the ambulance waves of pain rippled through my body with every bump they hit and every turn they made. The pain gripped so hard on my body that I started holding my breath trying to brace myself for the next wave.

This was the beginning of a three year long journey. Life would only be consumed by doctor appointments, therapy and surgeries. In the end there would be a life-long physical disability and chronic pain. Every day for the rest of my life this day will be a constant reminder of what happened and how I will suffer because of it.

It’s hard to understand and it seems so unfair sometimes. The young man that took all the risks, drove so irresponsibly and was not injured, his car had only minor damage. I was driving with due diligence to be a safe driver on the road and was left terribly injured and my car was totaled. Oh, the young man did get a citation for failure to stop at a posted intersection. Somehow that doesn’t bring me any comfort.

I battle physical pain and depression today as I will until my Heavenly Father calls me home. I’ve learned to lean on God and wait for his grace. I thank Him for waking me up each morning, and for being able to stand on my own two feet. In time I won’t be able to use my legs so each day is a precious gift.
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Lora
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PostSubject: Re: Reckless Youth   Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:50 pm

Wow! What a devastating story. I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers. May the Lord give you comfort and strength through this trying time. When life deals us an unfair blow, it's so hard to deal with because there are no real answers to "why?" except that this world is under the power of satan and sin. I almost feel guilty to give a critique to this piece, because I can feel how much it came from the heart. But, I did say almost,so here it goes:

This seems like a much longer story, and it may be all that you can stand to put on paper for the moment, but I'll give you a few tips on how to go about doing that when your ready, along with some other general suggestions.

Found a typo in the following paragraph. Also, one of the rules of being a great writer instead of being a good writer is: "Don't tell us, show us!" Consider NOT telling us that he was reckless or what he was thinking, just tell us what he did. We as readers will understand that he was being reckless and selfish. If you have anymore information about any of his actions, try to include it.
When you he was young and lived his life with reckless abandon, only
thinking of himself, where he needed to go and what he wanted to do, he
never considered those around him. On September 17, 2009 he got in his car and headed out, driving faster
than he should have. When his cell phone rang he answered it, never
thinking twice of the risks he was taking. Never once thinking about me
or anyone else he would encounter during his drive.

Many questions came to mind while reading this short passage: Where were you going? Why were you in such a great mood? Why did you know it was going to be a great day?
I left for work that morning headed south. I tuned the radio to my
favorite Christian station. Singing and praising God I knew it was going
to be a great day.

The point of impact is a great opportunity to give us plenty of detail to really bring home just how devastating this crash was. Describe colors, sounds, more of your physical and emotional feelings. Did you see his car impact yours? Slow it down quite a bit, and give us a second by second description of what happened.
Before I realized what my eyes were seeing I had to react. A car,
wait…jerking the steering wheel to the right I screamed out loud…GOD
HELP ME! The first impact was to the front quarter panel of my car. It
felt like I had run into a brick wall. The car was spinning out of
control when the second impact hit the driver’s side of the car. I felt
like I was on a rollercoaster, my body lurched back and forth in the car
for what seemed a very long time.

As before, be careful of verb tense. Try not to write the same way as you may talk. Also, think about putting inner dialog into italics or quotation marks. In the case of this story, I would use italics, because that way you won't feel compelled to write, 'I thought,' before the dialog.
Darkness…silence…there is was nothing now. What is going on? Slowly my eyes
focused as realization dripped in like the slow flow of syrup. The car
isn’t running…when did I shut the car off?


How long did it really take before the ambulance arrived? Think about putting the interaction between you and the driver into dialog. Tell us what he looked like, his facial expressions, his demeanor, what you were thinking and feeling. Also, I wasn't sure who the driver was. Was it the paramedic or the driver from the other car? Also, did you notice what the driver of the car was doing all this time? Where was he and how did he look?
Before I knew it the ambulance had arrived. The driver was at my door asking me questions.

Describe in detail what happened at the scene. How did they get you out of your car, what kind of medical attention did you receive, how did all this feel, what was going on in your mind? Also, describe the environment, the crash scene, and the other people that were there.
Once I was in the ambulance waves of pain rippled through my body with
every bump they hit and every turn they made. The pain gripped so hard
on my body that I started holding my breath trying to brace myself for
the next wave.

When you have it in you, think about describing what you went through with all of the appointments and and procedures and how you've endured through it all. Tell about your spiritual and emotional journey. Even if you never share the story, I know from personal experience, it can really help with the healing process.

___________________
God Bless, Lora  Nice Ta Meet Ya
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cdawson41
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PostSubject: Re: Reckless Youth   Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:43 pm

Lora

Thank you so much for you insight. This was actually a challengeg that I did and I was limited to no more than 750 that is why so much of the "meat" of the story was cut out.

I am currently working on getting it all on paper, what will be done with it if anything after I have no clue. I have what I believe will be the first chapter started which is much of what you read above. So I'm going to take your comments and go look at what I've written and see where I can make those changes.

Sorry about the typo's, when I first wrote this instead of he I used you, as if the driver of the car that hit me was reading it. Some really didn't like that in the critiques I got so I tried it out with he this time.

Now you have some of the answers to the questions you wondered about in "The Boxes in My Mind"

Cynthia
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