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 New Novel...still thinking up title

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APPRENTICE (6-25 posts)
APPRENTICE (6-25 posts)

Posts : 7
Join date : 2012-01-24

PostSubject: New Novel...still thinking up title   Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:58 am

Wow, I've been wandering around like also puppy becasue I couldn't think of a new project. Then this dropped in my lap. I feel much more normal!

Eleven year old Alexis Toll’s tummy hurt. During class at the Skills Center that day she wanted to shut her eyes and curl into a ball. She did manage to sleep through Current Amerikan history. Hearing the same old song and dance about how the SWO Guard stole the countries wealth back from the hateful rich and made the land prosperous again bored her silly.

Everyone knew it was a big fat lie anyway.

Her nose turned up as she picked her way through this garbage ridden part of Washington DC with it’s collapsing buildings and busted windows. A group of naked children played in the gutters. One little boy stood straight and laughed as he pee’d on his friends.
Alexis made a face and hurried away.

Johnny would take care of her, she needed to get home to the violin shop and he’d make her some tea and she’d be okay.

At least she hoped so.

Overhead the neighborhood jumbo-tron announced a new upswing in the Amerikan economy. “Amerika continues to be the wealthiest country on the planet thanks to our beloved President Sanjay Igor Qizonitsky.” Music blared, pictures of the White House, showing the president and first lady in lavish clothes entertaining hundreds gazed down at her. Alexis imagined them laughing.

From behind her a scream ripped through the air so loud and high Alexis didn’t have to guess what it meant. For the briefest of moments her jaw dropped, her heart leaped into her throat: SWO, Values agents.

She ran.

“Get out of my way! Get out of my way!” a man’s voice roared at her back. Alexis screamed and tried to stay close to the building, but huge hands shoved her into the alley and she crashed onto the pavement.

Frantic, no time to access her own damages, she scurried next to a dumpster and covered herself with sacks of garbage, cardboard, pieces of paper. Once hidden, she froze and waited. She hated Values Agents. They swept into areas whenever the government needed more value. The government gave everyone value stipends at the beginning of each month, but then kept taking them back as the month progressed. By the end of the month few people had values, but the agents accepted anything.

She paused and listened.

Cries for mercy, gun fire. She knew the drill. They found someone with nothing of value and declared them non-productive. Kiss of death.

Alexis’s breath shivered in and out of her. Johnny had a govt. badge, he could save her.
The Jumbo-tron announced, “We applaud the people of the Winston Street neighborhood who are even now standing up and gratefully paying to keep their government prosperous! Amerika has never been better!”

Another gun shot made Alexis jump.

“Alexis!” She listened. Johnny!

“Johnny!” she called from under the garbage.

“Stay there I’m coming!”

She heard an agent call for him to halt and Johnny raised his voice, “Look, I’m a government employee. If they handed out more than one tag I wouldn’t be out here trying to keep my ward from being shot!”

“Sir! The SWO would never shoot a citizen unless they were found to be valueless. Your ward would be safe.”

“Yeah? You get bullets flying, who knows what can happen? Let me go get her and go home. Make sure you radio your crew down the street, I don’t want to be stopped anymore.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alexis!” she heard him call again. She knocked the garbage away and scrambled to her feet.

“Johnny,” she cried, rounding the corner. He was right there. Tall, skinny, nineteen year old, Johnny with his mop of black hair and aquiline nose. He wore his red, plaid flannel shirt and tattered blue jeans, his government tag displayed around his neck. On the other side of the street she noticed a values agent dressed in his body armor and helmet relieve a man of his belt.

Johnny held out a hand. “Alexis, c’mon. Are you okay?”

She sniffled, “I was scared.”

“I bet, but let’s hurry. I want to try something.”

“Uh, okay.”

She took his and the two of them rushed down the street.

Johnny tugged her along whispering under his breath, “C’mon, honey, c’mon…”

They reached the small shop door. As run down and dirty it’s neighbors, the front glass remained in one piece because of a single prominent sticker on the top, middle portion of the glass. The tag read: Government Property. She remembered the day they attached it. She had glanced up at Johnny and said, her voice hopeful, “At least no ones going to hurt us now.”

Johnny had looked down, his eyes unhappy, “Except it’s because we have a master that will eat anyone who does. We‘re slaves now.”

Johnny yanked out his key, turned the lock and they rushed inside.

“Johnny…” Alexis wanted to tell him about her tummy, but he rushed past her calling, “Grab a music stand and open the door.”

Surprised, she did as told and in the next second, Johnny came bustling out with a beautiful violin and a sheet of music. “Here,” he said, handing her the fiddle. “You’re the best violinist. I’ve got an arrangement of Meditation from Thais I want you to play.”

Alexis drew back. “That’s forbidden music!”

“I’ll get us around it. C’mon, play!”

She caught her breath, knees shaky with fear of what might happen, she placed the violin under her chin and began to the piece. The effect seemed immediate. Guards paused, distracted. People fleeing for their lives did double-takes and stared. Then she saw Mr. Smiley. She didn’t know his real name, he was an old Spanish fellow who lived on the street with his wife until a few years ago. Mrs. Smiley used to wear a blue bracelet all the time. Now that she was gone, Mr. Smiley wore it. The piece of jewelry kept him smiling. An agent rounded on the little man.

The armed guard pointed at the bracelet. “Turn in your valuable.”

Mr. Smiley’s face contorted in true agony and Alexis had had enough. She stopped playing and shouted, “Leave him alone! Give him back his things!”

To her shock and surprise, the agent stepped back and handed him fifteen value chips.
To further her confusion, the other guards in earshot stepped away from their prey and handed over large amounts of values.

“Hey!” one of the agents barked at her. “Why are you playing that music? It’s forbidden!”

Johnny hurried forward. “Sir, we’re just a humble establishment. We wanted to honor our SWO Guards by giving you a song. Surely, encouraging your agents could be seen as a value? If not, I promise we’ll never do it again. We only want to cooperate.”

The guard huffed. “You force me to agree. It is always good to encourage the guard. You may perform again for us.”

Johnny bowed. “Of course, sir. Name the time and we’ll be there.”

The guard turned away. “We’ll contact you.”

“Thank you!”

Johnny stepped back into the shop, a smile on his face so broad he looked on the verge of busting. Alexis knew they would have to wait to speak in the safe room, but had to risk whispering the one thought in her head, “Johnny, what did you do?”
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Age : 47
Join date : 2011-07-26
Location : Southern CA

PostSubject: Re: New Novel...still thinking up title   Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:06 am

That is attention grabbing, well written, and convincing. I love it. I can almost picture a futuristic world, like Amerika, like that. It's obviously play on the word America. Are you sure you want to do that? I'm a bit torn about it. I could bring implications with it, such as, turning it into a political and/or religious satire. On the other hand, it does make a strong statement.

God Bless, Lora  Nice Ta Meet Ya
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WRITER (51-100 posts)
WRITER (51-100 posts)

Posts : 91
Age : 52
Join date : 2011-12-13
Location : Mechanicsburg, PA

PostSubject: Re: New Novel...still thinking up title   Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:01 am

This was a very interesting and well written piece..looking forward to reading more.. As far as a title...


Of Little or No Value..

may need work...just a thought! LOL

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